借我一生

26-07-2006

两天前,从书柜里找到了几个月前买的一本书。

余秋雨的“借我一生”

本来在好久以前就想把这本书一口气看完。但是买了之后,竟然把它给忘了个一干二净!好内疚。一本好书,就这样,被我这个无知之徒埋没,愧对呀。

所以今早,泡了一杯浓浓的咖啡乌(在新加坡,咖啡不加奶,叫咖啡乌〕打醒十二分精神,决定把第一章看完。是的,只看一章,因为只有二十分钟的时间,就得上班了。

第一章:长辈的山

“我的父亲余学文先生,于今天中午去世。

在上海同济医院的二号抢救病房,我用手托着他的下巴。他已经停止呼吸,神色平静却张大了嘴。好像最后还有什么话要说,却突然被整个儿取消了说话的权利。

医生说,托着,时间长一点,就会慢慢闭合。

那么,什么也不用说了,爸爸。闭合吧。

闭合并不容易,一松手又张开了。爸爸是有脾气的,但在我面前从不固执,只不过现在他已经看不见了,不知道托他下巴的是我的手。他无法通过触觉感知我。

触觉。突然想起,我几乎从来没有与爸爸有肌肤上的接触。

小时侯我跟着妈妈和祖母在乡下,他在上海工作,偶尔回乡一次,几乎没有抱过我。不是他不想抱,而是过于疼爱我的祖母和母亲担心他抱不好。

等我长大,与各种朋友见面时会握手,但与爸爸相见却不会。我叫他一声,笑笑,他应一声,也笑笑。

后来他行动不方便了,走路时我会扶他,挽着他的胳膊,却也不会碰到他的手。他这次走的干脆,没有留下让我们给他洗澡,洗脸的机会。

那么,只有今天,当他的生命已经停止,我才真正解触到他,他还没有冷却的下巴。

爸爸的嘴渐渐闭合了。到今天我才那么仔细地看清,他牙齿洁白,没有一颗缺损。八十多岁能这样,让人惊讶,其实原因很简单,他毕生不抽烟,不喝茶,由于长年的糖尿病又不吃甜食不喝酒。

那就更应该闭合了,爸爸,闭住你一口的洁白和干净。”

简单的一页,已令我默默的流泪。

简单的一页,已令我心感触深远。

简单的一页,已令我了解,切莫后悔莫及。

谢谢你,余老师。

~ by Tay Ping Hui on 01/09/2007.

3 Responses to “借我一生”

  1. “那么,只有今天,当他的生命已经停止,我才真正解触到他,他还没有冷却的下巴。。”

    真的感触良多….

    余秋雨的“借我一生”PING HUI 你看完了吗?

  2. 斌輝借我一天,與我一起當環保志工。無解!

    台灣八八水災,新加坡政府捐出660萬台幣,114萬物資,協助救災,在此對貴國說聲感謝!

  3. 看著您在添丁發財記者會中抱小孩的劇照,小孩拿東西往您嘴巴塞,您含情脈脈看著,時而玩弄於手掌,時而玩弄於地上,那樣的意境,很真、很美、看似您與小孩以心相會,溫柔敦厚,「誠於中而形於外」,美與善、美與真的關係,分外的深刻而久遠。
    感慨萬千,我只能意會,不能言語,很想哭,想哭,是因為斌輝流露出父愛的情感,一切價值與能力的最高形式,這是多麼生動的一個例證!
    淚水還在眼框中打轉,不捨滴下,留住對斌輝之敬。
    在網路上看到一則美國總統歐巴馬寫給女兒的信,呈現給斌輝!

    “What I Want For You- And Every Child in America”
    by President-Elect Barack Obama (Published in Parade Magazine)
    【聯合報/編譯樂慧生/報導】
    美國準總統歐巴馬在即將上任之際,寫了封感性十足的公開信給兩個尚未成年的女兒,為這兩年多半時間沒能陪在她們身旁致上歉意,並為自己為何選擇邁向白宮之路做了番解釋。
    這封信發表在美國大觀雜誌上,全文翻譯如下。(聯合新聞網以中英對照方式呈現,方便網友閱讀。)
    Dear Malia and Sasha,
    I know that you’ve both had a lot of fun these last two years on the campaign trail, going to picnics and parades and state fairs, eating all sorts of junk food your mother and I probably shouldn’t have let you have. But I also know that it hasn’t always been easy for you and Mom, and that as excited as you both are about that new puppy, it doesn’t make up for all the time we’ve been apart. I know how much I’ve missed these past two years, and today I want to tell you a little more about why I decided to take our family on this journey.
    親愛的馬莉亞和莎夏:
    我知道這兩年你們倆隨我一路競選都有過不少樂子,野餐、遊行、逛州博覽會,吃了各種或許我和你媽不該讓你們吃的垃圾食物。然而我也知道,你們倆和你媽的日子,有時候並不愜意。新來的小狗雖然令你們興奮,卻無法彌補我們不在一起的所有時光。我明白這兩年我錯過的太多了,今天我要再向你們說說為何我決定帶領我們一家走上這趟旅程。
    When I was a young man, I thought life was all about me—about how I’d make my way in the world, become successful, and get the things I want. But then the two of you came into my world with all your curiosity and mischief and those smiles that never fail to fill my heart and light up my day. And suddenly, all my big plans for myself didn’t seem so important anymore. I soon found that the greatest joy in my life was the joy I saw in yours. And I realized that my own life wouldn’t count for much unless I was able to ensure that you had every opportunity for happiness and fulfillment in yours. In the end, girls, that’s why I ran for President: because of what I want for you and for every child in this nation.
    當我還年輕的時候,我認為生活就該繞著我轉:我如何在這世上得心應手,成功立業,得到我想要的。後來,你們倆進入了我的世界,帶來的種種好奇、淘氣和微笑,總能填滿我的心,照亮我的日子。突然之間,我為自己譜寫的偉大計畫顯得不再那麼重要了。我很快便發現,我在你們生命中看到的快樂,就是我自己生命中最大的快樂。而我也同時體認到,如果我不能確保你們此生能夠擁有追求幸福和自我實現的一切機會,我自己的生命也沒多大價值。總而言之,我的女兒,這就是我競選總統的原因:我要讓你們倆和這個國家的每一個孩子,都能擁有我想要給他們的東西。
    I want all our children to go to schools worthy of their potential—schools that challenge them, inspire them, and instill in them a sense of wonder about the world around them. I want them to have the chance to go to college—even if their parents aren’t rich. And I want them to get good jobs: jobs that pay well and give them benefits like health care, jobs that let them spend time with their own kids and retire with dignity.
    我要讓所有兒童都在能夠發掘他們潛能的學校就讀;這些學校要能挑戰他們,激勵他們,並灌輸他們對身處的這個世界的好奇心。我要他們有機會上大學,那怕他們的父母並不富有。而且我要他們能找到好的工作:薪酬高還附帶健康保險的工作,讓他們有時間陪孩子、並且能帶著尊嚴退休的工作。
    I want us to push the boundaries of discovery so that you’ll live to see new technologies and inventions that improve our lives and make our planet cleaner and safer. And I want us to push our own human boundaries to reach beyond the divides of race and region, gender and religion that keep us from seeing the best in each other.
    我要大家向發現的極限挑戰,讓你在有生之年能夠看見改善我們生活、使這個行星更乾淨、更安全的新科技和發明。我也要大家向自己的人際界限挑戰,跨越使我們看不到對方長處的種族、地域、性別和宗教樊籬。
    Sometimes we have to send our young men and women into war and other dangerous situations to protect our country—but when we do, I want to make sure that it is only for a very good reason, that we try our best to settle our differences with others peacefully, and that we do everything possible to keep our servicemen and women safe. And I want every child to understand that the blessings these brave Americans fight for are not free—that with the great privilege of being a citizen of this nation comes great responsibility.
    有時候為了保護我們的國家,我們不得不把青年男女派到戰場或其他危險的地方,然而當我們這麼做的時候,我要確保師出有名,我們盡了全力以和平方式化解與他人的爭執,也想盡了一切辦法保障男女官兵的安全。我要每個孩子都明白,這些勇敢的美國人在戰場上捍衛的福祉是無法平白得到的:在享有作為這個國家公民的偉大特權之際,重責大任也隨之而來。
    That was the lesson your grandmother tried to teach me when I was your age, reading me the opening lines of the Declaration of Independence and telling me about the men and women who marched for equality because they believed those words put to paper two centuries ago should mean something.
    這正是我在你們這年紀時,外婆想要教我的功課,她把獨立宣言開頭幾行念給我聽,告訴我有一些男女為了爭取平等挺身而出遊行抗議,因為他們認為兩個世紀前白紙黑字寫下來的這些句子,不應只是空話。
    She helped me understand that America is great not because it is perfect but because it can always be made better—and that the unfinished work of perfecting our union falls to each of us. It’s a charge we pass on to our children, coming closer with each new generation to what we know America should be.
    她讓我了解到,美國所以偉大,不是因為它完美,而是因為我們可以不斷讓它變得更好,而讓它更好的未竟工作,就落在我們每個人的身上。這是我們交給孩子們的責任,每過一代,美國就更接近我們的理想。
    I hope both of you will take up that work, righting the wrongs that you see and working to give others the chances you’ve had. Not just because you have an obligation to give something back to this country that has given our family so much—although you do have that obligation. But because you have an obligation to yourself. Because it is only when you hitch your wagon to something larger than yourself that you will realize your true potential.
    我希望你們倆都願接下這個工作,看到不對的事要想辦法改正,努力幫助別人獲得你們有過的機會。這並非只因國家給了我們一家這麼多,你們也當有所回饋,雖然你們的確有這個義務,而是因為你們對自己負有義務。因為,唯有在把你的馬車套在更大的東西上時,你才會明白自己真正的潛能有多大。
    These are the things I want for you—to grow up in a world with no limits on your dreams and no achievements beyond your reach, and to grow into compassionate, committed women who will help build that world. And I want every child to have the same chances to learn and dream and grow and thrive that you girls have. That’s why I’ve taken our family on this great adventure.
    這些是我想要讓你們得到的東西:在一個夢想不受限制、無事不能成就的世界中長大,長成具慈悲心、堅持理想,能幫忙打造這樣一個世界的女性。我要每個孩子都有和你們一樣的機會,去學習、夢想、成長、發展。這就是我帶領我們一家展開這趟大冒險的原因。
    I am so proud of both of you. I love you more than you can ever know. And I am grateful every day for your patience, poise, grace, and humor as we prepare to start our new life together in the White House.
    Love, Dad
    我深以你倆為榮,你們永遠不會明白我有多愛你們,在我們準備一同在白宮開始新生活之際,我沒有一天不為你們的忍耐、沉穩、明理和幽默而心存感激。愛你們的老爹

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